(This is going to be a stream of consciousness post that will most likely be scattered and not make logical sense.)
As it feels like the future is more rapidly approaching, it is time for me to grab the here and now by its collar and frickin cease the shit out of it.
Today, I was accepted to college, and although it’s not my “first choice” per-say, I could probably end up going there. I feel relieved, excited, scared, and overall weird about having a pretty secure option for the next chapter of my life.
Lately I’ve been going through a pretty drastic change in my state of mind and perception of the world. The last year was a dark, dark period of my life full of depression and self-pity and isolation. An unhealthy type of sadness- because sadness in some amounts is healthy and necessary. Looking back however, I needed to go through that terrifying darkness to get to where I am today.
Life is dualities, a set of choices, love and hate, dark and light, night and day. I think of life as a spectrum that all of us fall on and move about on. Just because you are on one side of the spectrum, does not mean you will never see the other side. Both sides exist and with some effort, or time, you could get to the other. Without dark, light does not exist, without pain and sadness, health and happiness do not exist.
You must endure the bumpy, cold, and rigid parts of life to experience the good stuff, because without the hard stuff we wouldn’t even know what the good stuff is!
Another aspect of my life that has been changing is my religious and spiritual beliefs: which I’d never thought I’d say. My parents are forcing me to get confirmed by the Catholic church this year, and although I’d originally dreaded it with every fiber of my being, I’ve been actually looking forward to the classes every other Sunday and may even join the local youth group.
SO let me explain how a former Atheist started warming up to faith.
In these sessions that are populated by 8th graders, I obviously stick out being a weathered 12th grader that’s two feet taller than most kids there. It is really a bit comical: I feel like a religion class dropout or super-senior.
The sessions consist of watching a set of videos of this gap-toothed Australian guy talking about life and then discussing a bit at our table. What I have learned from these videos is this:
-Religion should be something close to your heart
-Belief in something, anything, is perhaps the strongest trait humans have
-Religion is, if anything, a way to become a better version of yourself, and to help the world be better also
-Religion shouldn’t be restricting you as a human: if you feel it is preventing you from living a good life, it probably isn’t the best religion for you
– If I am going to decide to believe in God or a god, or whatever the heck else there is out there, I need to do my research on what that religion means first. I.e. read the Bible, Koran, etc. so that I can make a well-informed decision for myself
My friend recently told me about a religion called Bahai and apparently it is a lesser known religion with only 7 temples in the world. And it just so happens one of them, the oldest one, is in my home state. I’ve also decided that fate has some merit. From the few things I’ve heard about the Bahai faith- it sounds like it is a good fit for my beliefs and could help me become a better person.
Whether I will be Christian, Bahai, Buddhist, you name it; I know that believing in something greater- even blindly- is a powerful thing that I seek to know and understand.
With my emotional/ mental and spiritual sides being nurtured lately, I’ve also been exercising to become more fit.
I don’t want to lose weight, because I am at a healthy weight, I want to become more fit and flexible. This past year I’ve neglected my mind, but also my body. I hate to admit how much regular exercise improves my mood but it does because of endorphins and all that good stuff!
This is turning into such a cheesy “you can do it” type of speech and if I were reading this three months ago I would have hated myself. BUT what previous me had not yet realized is the power that we have over our lives. It’s easy to go through life not having much self control or discipline, I get it. I’ve been doing that for a long time. But trust me when I say it’s MUCH more rewarding to take control of your life. So stop saying you will do something, stop saying your’e going to go outside more, do more, talk to people more. Do it and do it now.
The next is yet to come.