lifestyle, Thoughts

Fresh Air, and Starts

It’s about time I make a post on here! Not that many people are noticing anyways… But sulking about my dwindling follower count aside, a part of me needs this site for my sanity. I like it here! This is my little corner of the internet, well, one of them at least (follow me on instagram @ashhblack for more of whatever this *gesturing hands* is !).

So, what have I been up to in the past, let’s see, TWO MONTHS? Christ, these past two months have honestly felt like a lifetime, without the fortuitous effects of aging of course.

Well, I’ve graduated from high school folks, and let me tell you, I don’t really feel any different. The change was subtle, and at best, extremely gradual and continues to stretch out before me like a yellow brick road. I’m sure I will notice the change at the end of the road (quite literally) when I arrive MOVE IN DAY at college, but for now I still feel like a ripe suburban high-school 17 year old.

What else, let me check my notes real-quick. Oh. That’s right. I’ve done close to nothing the past two? three? five? weeks of summer. See! I haven’t even been keeping track of time, that damned old thing.

Not to be a complete and utter bigoted brag here, but I feel as though I’ve stepped into a bit of paradise. I am living in a sumptuous, accommodating, five star (give or take a few stars), dream. Coming from the rigamarole and ever so tedious and near impossible high-achieving high school lifestyle I, unfortunately, laid in brick and mortar for myself, doing nothing has never felt so GOOD. So refreshing, sensual, rejuvenating. No, this is not an Activia Yogurt commercial, although I’d be more than willing to say a few nice words about any free sample sent to my… ahem, well never-mind then.

The past three days have been cloudless, in mind and in weather. I sat in my backyard in my royal blue bikini and oversized floppy hat and round retro sunglasses armed with a freshly cracked book, SPF 15, sweating ice-cold lemon and basil water, and a good disposition. For lunch, I took special care to dine on only my favorite ingredients including fresh ricotta, EVOO, crusty french baguette bread, raspberry preserves, pasta, sun dried tomatoes, honey-crisp apple, edamame beans, and dark chocolate. Honestly, it was like I was on a honeymoon with myself.

And then it rained. And my mood poured. And the fantastic taste on my buds soured.

But que sera sera, right? What’s a girl gonna do when the sun hides? Hide with it? Well, sort of, but at least I managed to read an entire book start to finish by the time the sun came out again.

Books I’ve read this summer:

A Poet of the Invisible World by Michael Golding (Dazzling, quirky, unique. I could easily see it turned into a film directed by Wes Anderson.)

The Rocks by Peter Nichols (Felt as though I were there with the characters, at the ocean-side town in Spain. Felt the author’s knowledge bleed onto the pages.)

A Gathering of Shadows by V.E. Schwab (Second book in a captivating series. Just as awesome as the first book, which is a hard thing to achieve. Love the writing style and I’m slightly depressed at the cliffhanger- I’m praying for a third book.)

Currently Reading:

The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde (I was completely drawn in by simply the editors notes/ introduction. Wilde seemed like an enigma. I can’t tell if I would’ve wanted to be his friend, or be him.)

Well, that’s all folks. Thanks for reading! I’ll be back, well, sometime.


free write, Thoughts

Screw Façades

I’m so annoyed with these fake fronts people put up on social media. But do I really blame them? No. Because I feel compelled to do the same. To put my coolest self forward, and show everyone why they should be jealous of me. It’s so consuming and I feel like I’m orbiting around this black hole that is getting more and more eager to dissolve me into a singular nothingness. Sometimes I think it would be sort of nice in there, in that black hole. But I can’t give into it anymore, I’m sick and tired of these facades on social media. Im sick and tired of feeding off of likes and comments. I just want to be real and loved for it.

I try to limit myself, to strive for rawness when I post, or to just avoid posting altogether, but sometimes the gravitational pull of being fake loved is just too much, and you give in.

And how can you defy gravity?