lifestyle, Thoughts

Fresh Air, and Starts

It’s about time I make a post on here! Not that many people are noticing anyways… But sulking about my dwindling follower count aside, a part of me needs this site for my sanity. I like it here! This is my little corner of the internet, well, one of them at least (follow me on instagram @ashhblack for more of whatever this *gesturing hands* is !).

So, what have I been up to in the past, let’s see, TWO MONTHS? Christ, these past two months have honestly felt like a lifetime, without the fortuitous effects of aging of course.

Well, I’ve graduated from high school folks, and let me tell you, I don’t really feel any different. The change was subtle, and at best, extremely gradual and continues to stretch out before me like a yellow brick road. I’m sure I will notice the change at the end of the road (quite literally) when I arrive MOVE IN DAY at college, but for now I still feel like a ripe suburban high-school 17 year old.

What else, let me check my notes real-quick. Oh. That’s right. I’ve done close to nothing the past two? three? five? weeks of summer. See! I haven’t even been keeping track of time, that damned old thing.

Not to be a complete and utter bigoted brag here, but I feel as though I’ve stepped into a bit of paradise. I am living in a sumptuous, accommodating, five star (give or take a few stars), dream. Coming from the rigamarole and ever so tedious and near impossible high-achieving high school lifestyle I, unfortunately, laid in brick and mortar for myself, doing nothing has never felt so GOOD. So refreshing, sensual, rejuvenating. No, this is not an Activia Yogurt commercial, although I’d be more than willing to say a few nice words about any free sample sent to my… ahem, well never-mind then.

The past three days have been cloudless, in mind and in weather. I sat in my backyard in my royal blue bikini and oversized floppy hat and round retro sunglasses armed with a freshly cracked book, SPF 15, sweating ice-cold lemon and basil water, and a good disposition. For lunch, I took special care to dine on only my favorite ingredients including fresh ricotta, EVOO, crusty french baguette bread, raspberry preserves, pasta, sun dried tomatoes, honey-crisp apple, edamame beans, and dark chocolate. Honestly, it was like I was on a honeymoon with myself.

And then it rained. And my mood poured. And the fantastic taste on my buds soured.

But que sera sera, right? What’s a girl gonna do when the sun hides? Hide with it? Well, sort of, but at least I managed to read an entire book start to finish by the time the sun came out again.

Books I’ve read this summer:

A Poet of the Invisible World by Michael Golding (Dazzling, quirky, unique. I could easily see it turned into a film directed by Wes Anderson.)

The Rocks by Peter Nichols (Felt as though I were there with the characters, at the ocean-side town in Spain. Felt the author’s knowledge bleed onto the pages.)

A Gathering of Shadows by V.E. Schwab (Second book in a captivating series. Just as awesome as the first book, which is a hard thing to achieve. Love the writing style and I’m slightly depressed at the cliffhanger- I’m praying for a third book.)

Currently Reading:

The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde (I was completely drawn in by simply the editors notes/ introduction. Wilde seemed like an enigma. I can’t tell if I would’ve wanted to be his friend, or be him.)

Well, that’s all folks. Thanks for reading! I’ll be back, well, sometime.


Love Letter

Dear WordPress,

I think we got off on the wrong foot. It’s not you, it’s me.

Ok, well maybe it is you.

When I first started seeing you, things were great, I saw the world in a different way when I was with you but now everything is gray and dull again. Your Freshly Pressed perspectives were so alluring, they drew me in, but little did I know just how little of your personality was made up of them.

I got lost in your eyes, but little did I know that behind them you were the lost one. Behind them there were simply too many persona’s to accommodate at once, you’re confused, and so am I.

Then you started seeing me on weekends, and demanded more time from me on weeknights. It was ok because I loved you and I wanted to be with you. It was new and fun but that quickly wore off. Then you pulled me away from my friends, I guess I simply ran into your open arms thinking I wasn’t going to be alone when I was with you. Boy was I wrong. Now you’ve left me feeling more alone than ever.

WordPress, are you there anymore? I can’t find anyone behind your confusing bright blue eyes despite how many times I desperately click “Find Friends”.

Dearest WordPress, I am willing to stick this relationship out, try and work through our differences, but if you don’t start putting in the same effort as I do, this just isn’t going to work out. This was just a warning WordPress, I’m giving you another chance because I believe in you, so believe in me too.